so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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