dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
