And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're breaking my sexual little heart
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
