i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
