I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
