your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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