I need help removing her.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
