she looked like the bat from fern gully.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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