Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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