his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
