Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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