this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
