what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
