Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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