ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
