So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
