she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
