i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
