I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize