If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When are your genitals available?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
