Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
