think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
