____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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