I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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