I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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