the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
