He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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