seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im holly from the hills drunk
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
