I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
