Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize