Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
