The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
