false alarm. still invincible.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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