I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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