sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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