Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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