wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've blown a few things in my day
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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