now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
