did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize