I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
