i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
