I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
