We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
