There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
