I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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