All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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