Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
