HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
