so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
