separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
