Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Send help, water and tortillas.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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