More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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