I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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