Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize