Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
