First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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