Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
