i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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