I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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