so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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