i think my tv is drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
