bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you never un-have a 4some
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize