i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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