The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
