the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
