If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
