I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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