I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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