We're facebook friends in real life
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize