is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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