if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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