i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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