if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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