ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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