He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize