do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
