Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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