am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
