she looked like the before picture.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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