I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize