Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
