i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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