Will you blow on my dice?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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