so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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