We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
