Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
