Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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