If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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