Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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