So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
