Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
