So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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