You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
