to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Someone shattered a urinal.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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