Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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