I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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