just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
