nut hugger
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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