Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
