I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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