i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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