theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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