I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
