The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
