went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize